Let’s do this together

It’s like a Springwatch and Murder She Wrote mash-up in our house this week.

The yobbo cat, Dan Dan, has so far brought home a slowworm, a half-chewed mouse and a tiny frog, all in varying states of evisceration.

Although to be fair, I thought the beautiful slowworm was dead, but it was just petrified with fear, so I was able to release it into next-door’s garden where it escaped, albeit very slowly.

Dan Dan’s become a menace to living creatures and the worst part is the damn cat is so pleased with herself – like she’s bringing home dinner.

In fact, I can now tell when she’s brought something home for a gory show and tell. She lies on her side and purrs loudly, and taps me on the ankle as I walk past, as if to say, “Look, mum, I’ve brought you some delicious sticky mouse entrails and a flattened dried-up baby frog. Let’s fire up the barbecue!”

When not stalking God’s creatures, I also hear from our neighbours that Dan Dan’s been making house calls, mostly through their back windows.

One chap tells me he went into his spare room only to find our ill-mannered calico cat had made herself at home on the bed. But when she saw him, went ballistic and rocketed out like HE was the intruder.

Luckily, he didn’t seem to mind, although I may have detected a hint of tartness when he said, “We quite like cats but haven’t bothered getting one of our own as there are so many local moggies.”

Ahem, point taken. The good news is the fiendish feline’s Freed slowworm not been able to catch a single bird, despite hanging out in the top branches of the apple trees at the back, just hoping one drops out of the sky into her waiting jaws.

In the meantime, I’m trying to find a collar with a cow bell that she can’t escape from as she’s a total Houdini. She just laughs in the face of modern cat collars that have quick-release mechanisms – what that moggy maniac needs is a ball and chain!

■ Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.

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LUCKY