DYER FIGHT SMACKS OF A COUNTY SET-TO

Could any other county on earth produce a spectacle as thrilling as the Danny Dyer/Mark Wright big fight?

But outsiders to Essex will fail to grasp the real row has less to do with trampled egos and everything to do with immigration.

You see, real deal Danny Dyer was born in Canning Town and has scrapped his way to the Essex uplands of 4x4s and shellac nails. While Mark Wright and his perma-tanned cohorts are native Essex, born with a silver Merc on their driveways.

The only thread still linking them to the ol’ East End of their parents’ rose-tinted tales is talking in a Danny Dyer accent. So he hates them for their artifice. And they hate him for his authenticity.

Or, as Danny’s beautiful young daughter Dani tells it: “I admit I was shouting that Mark Wright is a c***. But I love you papa and seeing that just proved how I would have wished to have smacked them in the mouth.”