I’ve had such a rubbish year, I don’t feel festive

Dear Coleen

I’m a 28-year-old gay man and I’ve had a pretty bad year. It started with a break-up – my boyfriend of two years suddenly dumped me and I found out later he’d been seeing one of our mutual friends behind my back (now no longer a friend of mine!).

I then had a bad falling out with my family. I overheard my sister and Mum talking about my ex and how it was a case of “good riddance” because they never liked him and he was never good enough for me. We ended up having a blazing row and I stormed out of the house. This was back in September and I haven’t spoken to either of them much since.

In addition to all of this, my house sale also fell through and I’m in a consultation period at work for redundancy.

Despite our fallout, my family wants me to come and stay over the holidays and my friends have invited me to various parties.

However, I’m just not in the mood and would rather just be on my own.

How can I get it across that I don’t feel like having fun. I’d rather do a bit of wallowing!

Coleen says

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bit of wallowing or at least having some time on your own to reflect and assess things.

OK, it’s been a rubbish year, I’ll give you that, but I think it might be helpful to reframe things and change how you think about them.

Your life has been shaken up in most areas, but that can often be a blessing in disguise because it promotes change, which is often a positive thing.

It is good you’re rid of your ex because you’ve seen him for what he is – a cheater. And I think that’s all your mum and sister were saying – they love you and want what’s best for you, so their protective instincts are coming out. Unfortunately, you overheard their private conversation!

There will be another house to buy (probably a better one) and you might get a good payoff and land another job soon after – a double win!

If you don’t want to stay with your family over Christmas, I get that.

But why not go for one day or an evening and patch things up?

You might even feel like having fun if you get off your backside and go to these parties you’ve been invited to!

I’m just not in the mood and want to be alone