Cheat left me to secretly move in with girlfriend

He pretended he’d lost his job as bills piled up

Dear Coleen

I’m a 40-year-old woman, feeling lost and alone, and I don’t know where to turn. I was married to my husband for 11 years. I was a good wife and very loyal to him. We have two young sons together.

My husband works away from home, and I used to see him three weeks out of every three months. Then he started coming home for just one week. I haven’t seen him since he went back to work in October 2015.

I had credit card bills coming through, which clearly showed he was on leave and having the time of his life.

He’d been going out and spending money, and then coming home to us for the last week.

I called him and he finally admitted it. He then told me he’d lost his job and he couldn’t pay any of the bills, so we lost everything and he left me to deal with the situation.

I had to move house and I’ve suffered depression because of it all. I’ve been trying to set the wheels in motion for a divorce, but no one could find him to serve the papers. Then a few weeks ago my car was taken away as my husband hadn’t made the payments on it. But the guys who came for it gave me an address for him and told me that when they called his phone, his girlfriend answered.

Apparently he hadn’t lost his job – he’d just been living with this other woman. I confronted him, but he said I should just “get on with it”.

I feel I’ve had no closure. I haven’t been able to talk to him in person and my boys haven’t seen him in 16 months.

Coleen says

There is closure on it – he’s a scumbag and now you need to focus on you and your boys. It was nothing you did wrong. This is his failure, not yours, and he’ll have to live with the consequences of it.

So when he gets bored of his other woman or has an attack of conscience and comes crawling home, you have to be strong. Stop looking for closure from him – you need to take control. Now you have an address for him, the divorce papers can be served.

Citizens Advice will help you with information on ending a marriage, including financial arrangements (adviceguide.org.uk) – and it’s free.

This man has messed you around in worst way possible and has been a terrible father, leaving his boys. I know you don’t believe it now because you’re feeling overwhelmed by the situation, but you’re still young and have the chance to make a happy life for yourself and your kids.

I was 36 when my first marriage ended and I remember thinking that was it for me but, of course, it’s not.

Your best form of revenge is to survive this and get some happiness back in your life, even if you have to fake it for a while. And show your boys it’s not acceptable for a man to behave that way.

Don’t forget to ask for help from your friends and family.

Good luck.