Would YOUR partner cheat?
How to tell – and how to do something about it. By relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr
Men and women have been cheating on their partners since time immemorial, but it seems that over the last few weeks the papers have been filled with stories of ageing male celebrities leaving their other halves.
Take former Newsnight presenter Jeremy Paxman, who aged 66 has left his partner of 34 years and is now living with his 37-year-old researcher.
Now I’ve never met Mr Paxman, but I can tell you he ticks three of the boxes for someone who’s more likely to cheat.
Firstly, having a good education means perhaps you’re better at seizing opportunities – and covering your tracks.
Career success sometimes indicates a driven personality, one who wants things their way – including having another man or woman.
And an intense work environment often goes hand in hand with a sense of camaraderie, leading to feelings that you and your colleagues understand each other the way a spouse doesn’t.
Uh oh, soon sharing drinks a deux involves more than just a chat about how crazy your work is.
Here are the four main types of adulterer and the most common reasons cited for cheating.
The Revenge Affair
People have many reactions to discovering they’ve been cheated on and one is to strike out and have an affair themselves. In their fury and pain they think, “Right, I’ll show you!” For some couples it evens the score, but for most it plunges them even further into emotional chaos.
The Life-Changer Affair
This classically occurs in middle age when a person wakes up thinking, “Is this it, is this all I can expect from my life and relationship?” In a panic they seek excitement elsewhere. The divorce rate has never been higher among the 50-plus age group who fall victim to this. But it often happens when people face other life hurdles, such as hitting big birthdays – 30 or 40 for example.
The Opportunist
These affairs happen when opportunity is presented on a plate such as the out-oftown work conference, where drink flows and people are out of the normal environment. Usually these are one-offs and the cheat regrets it.
The Risk-taker
This person is addicted to the buzz of infidelity. They love taking risks, feeling “alive” when embarking on something illicit. They’re repeat offenders with affairs and often have problems with sex addiction.
Feeling neglected and bored in a relationship are two other big culprits leading to affairs.