GIRLFRIEND WANTS A THREESOME

Dear Coleen

My girlfriend and I just had our six-month anniversary. Recently, during sex she mentioned she wants a threesome, the idea being that I would have sex with another girl and my girlfriend would watch.

However, I’m worried this may ruin our relationship, and that she could then hold it against me that I’d had sex with someone else while in a relationship with her as it’s technically cheating.

What do you think I should consider before discussing this further with my girlfriend?

Coleen says

I think you need to tell her all your fears about this threesome and how it could affect your relationship. And, if you’re not sure, then don’t be pressured into going ahead with it.

As I always say, the reality very rarely lives up to the fantasy – they’re not the same thing. A threesome might be great in the moment, but you have to be aware that insecurities, jealousy and resentment often creep in afterwards.

I don’t think you need to worry about her accusing you of cheating – she brought up the idea, after all – but you can tell her that you think of it as cheating if that’s how you feel.

I don’t know whether it’s something she tried in the past and liked, or if it’s a fantasy. I think you need to ask her why she wants to do it. If she simply wants to spice things up, there are other ways to do that. In fact, you can live out that fantasy during sex just by talking to each other about it – you don’t have to actually do it.

You sound more committed to the relationship than she does, so I also think you need to ask her what she wants from it and where she sees it going.

And if you do decide to give it a go, you have to be very careful about the person you pick to make up this threesome. Don’t involve a friend you see on a regular basis, for example.

It’s something you really have to talk about and agree on before you go ahead.