WHY ISN’T HE INTERESTED IN HAVING SEX?

Dear Coleen

I have been with my boyfriend for seven years now and I love him more then anything. However, my issue is that he’s not very interested in sex and, no matter what I do, I can’t seem to fix the problem. We are both in our early twenties.

I have tried spicing things up and I’ve tried talking about it, but he has little or no interest. It just goes in one ear and out the other.

I always feel like it’s my fault. Is it something I’m doing or not doing? Is it because he’s not attracted to me any more? I just feel so low about the whole thing.

We’ve built a nice life together, so should I just forget about it as it’s not worth worrying about?

Coleen says

This isn’t “not worth worrying about”. It’s important to you and it’s important generally. You’re a young woman and you can’t be expected to give up on sex.

Sometimes, once you settle into a relationship, it becomes apparent that your sex drives don’t match. And if one of you has a higher sex drive than the other, then it’s going to cause problems.

To avoid a situation where you become increasingly resentful and insecure about your relationship, you need to ask him what his reasons are for not wanting sex.

And don’t be fobbed off – tell him you need to know, even if the truth might hurt. Right now, you’re the only one trying to spice things up and the only one trying to discuss it. He needs to join in.

If you continue to feel unsexy and unloved, it’s going to affect your confidence and self-esteem, and ultimately your relationship won’t survive.

Good luck!