Oscar mistake could be a surprise result for all..
THE company responsible for That Oscars Mix Up have issued a grovelling apology, wringing their hands over “failing the academy.”
They shouldn’t have. Instead of hanging their heads, they should be holding them high– they provided the most entertaining awards show moment in history, by a long shot. Gwyneth blubbing in that pink dress is henceforth forgotten (although never forgiven, obvs.)
Usually the Oscars chat – what people were wearing/who was robbed/worthiest political speech – is well over by now. This year both the chat – it was so
awkward – and the conspiracy theories – staged on purpose for drama/masterminded by Trump – are raging on and on.
The whole world is talking about it. The 2017 Oscars will be remembered for ever. Doesn’t exactly sound like a failure, does it?
It’s almost enough to make you wonder if the same logic could be applied elsewhere… which other dry, formulaic public occasions might also be spiced up by a mix up?
The Budget
Not just boring because it’s maths-based, but because it’s always the same, and never good news personally or nationally. So after the Chancellor’s posed for that photo where he’s really chuffed with his new manbag even though it looks exactly the same as the one he had before, he should surprise us.
Say that all the fun things that usually get more expensive are getting cheaper, all the necessary things that usually get more expensive are getting cheaper, and the essential services that usually get cut will be invested in, heavily.
Then he can reveal that oopsie someone put the wrong card in his manbag and actually he’s doing the same as always. He could add that he did wonder why it said Emma Stone at the top instead of The Budget. We’ll be no worse off than usual, and at least we will have had a brief moment of happiness.
All Sport
Dull, dull, dull. So no live matches of anything should be televised, there should just be one weekly programme where all results of everything are announced. Then, after sports fans have been thrilled or disappointed, the real results should be announced, so they feel the opposite. Emotional rollercoaster!
All talent shows
Every week the person who hasn’t been voted off leaves, then at the end, the winner is revealed as the bloke who was kicked out in week one. Exciting!
Court Verdicts
Waiting to hear if someone has been found guilty or innocent, is admittedly, already tense. But imagine how much tense it more would be if just after the accused has breathed a huge sigh of relief/started sobbing, it was made clear that the judge was doing a Warren Beatty impression. You can have that one for free, Rinder.
The Lottery
Could turn losers into winners - and, you know, vice versa, but let’s not focus on that. Just like the true victim of Envelopegate, Ryan Gosling, must be trying to do, right now.
#prayforryan