I KNOW MY STEPDAD IS CHEATING

Dear Coleen

I had suspicions my stepdad was cheating on my mum, so I did some investigating and found him on dating sites. Now I know for sure.

I don’t live near my mum and I’m very worried that if I tell her she won’t cope. I know she won’t survive financially if they split. Even though she works full-time, it’s still a struggle as she has my two younger brothers living at home.

I’m worried she’ll end up depressed, as she has no support system. But if I confront my stepdad I think he’ll manipulate my mum and turn her against me.

I’m so confused about what to do – please help.

Coleen says

I think it’s going to be difficult for you not to say anything and to pretend things are fine now you’ve unearthed the evidence. If you tell her, do it in person and make sure you emphasise that you’ll support her whatever she decides to do.

Whether she stays with your stepdad or not is her decision and you have to accept that decision, even if you don’t agree with it.

As a mum myself, I would want my kids to tell me. And I wouldn’t want them to feel burdened with that knowledge. You might not live near your mum, but you can call her and Skype her. It is possible to be there for her, even if it’s not in person all the time.

And be patient with her – she should have time to absorb the information, talk to your stepdad and then make a decision when she feels ready. The problem with knowing is that you feel under pressure to act on it. When I found out about my first husband’s affair, I had to keep reminding myself not to make snap decisions based on what other people thought.