UNI’S NO FUN AND PALS ARE SHUNNING ME

Dear Coleen

I’m an 18-year-old girl and in my first year at university. Compared to my other friends on different courses, I seem to have loads more work to do, so I never go out any more.

My friends get to hang out together a couple of times a week and recently they’ve been quite cold with me. I’m starting to feel left out and that I have less and less in common with them.

I don’t think they’re bothered how much they’re upsetting me with this behaviour. I have mentioned it to them but it just turned into an argument and they were really defensive.

I don’t want to lose my friends, but the situation is making me miserable. Any ideas?

Coleen says

I don’t think it’s that they don’t care or they’re deliberately trying to upset you. However, they probably have more to talk about and more shared interests simply because they see more of each other than they do of you.

It’s great you’re putting so much effort into your studies, but don’t neglect other parts of your life. It’s important to take time out to see friends. If I were your mum, I’d be encouraging you to take at least one day off during the week to do something fun with your friends. It might even help you to apply yourself better to your studies – it’s crucial to find a balance.

If your friends have stopped asking you to join them, maybe it’s because they assume you won’t come because you’re working. If you’re more available, your friendships will have a chance to flourish again. And why not talk to your tutor about your workload and how you can manage it, so you are able to enjoy some downtime.