Real secret to a love that lasts a lifetime
THE easier our lives become, the harder they get.
When looking for a partner, you used to just have to worry about finding them attractive, liking their personality and having similar morals and goals.
This week, a relationship expert has advised you also need to be “dishwasher compatible”. If your loading and unloading techniques don’t mesh, it can make things very fraught, apparently.
Couples have probably been quarrelling about doing the dishes since the invention of the dishes, but back then, and for a long while afterwards, it was a simple debate. Who? When? The end.
Now, in the days of the dishwasher, there are a million different rows to have within the framework of one single argument – the issue of how? Stacking, packing, which cycle, how often, cutlery pointing up or down, pans accepted or forbidden... this machine, meant to help us, has only complicated everything. Dishwasher Incompatibility will probably soon be valid legal grounds for divorce.
And there are other parts of modern life we now have to take into account when considering a mate for life…
Netflix Compatibility
Sorry to brag about my dream marriage, but this is an the area in which my husband and I really shine. Our bond is never stronger, we’re totally in sync – box set choice, speed and frequency of viewing, line at which “one more, who cares if we’ll be tired tomorrow” becomes 5am. It’s perfect. Well, it was…
Recently we embarked upon an exciting new project together: The Walking Dead. For the first time, we were divided. I hated it, he stupidly and wrongly somehow didn’t. I gave it a proper chance with a few episodes, so he’s “into it now” and “needs” to carry on with it. I never want to see another second. Stalemate.
We will resolve this eventually, of course. We just need to work out whose turn it is to seethe with resentment this time.
Ikea Compatibility
Obviously you’re going to buy three things you don’t need, and one of them will be a huge bag of tealight candles – that’s a given.
But your overall strategies for tackling this retail ordeal need to match or you’re doomed as a couple – particularly when you factor in all the rows you’re going to have once inside the shop and assembling flatpacks later at home.
There are those who meander aimlessly around the showroom, and those who use the secret shortcut straight to the bit where you can buy stuff.
The twain might meet, but they’ll never make it long term.
Social Media Compatibility
This goes way beyond whether non-selfie takers can maintain a relationship with someone they can’t possibly have any respect for, ie selfie takers. If one of you is uber social and the other anti-social, it’s a recipe for disaster.
Never mind the hundreds of hours you’ll spend hating your partner for staring at their phone/ making you feel bad for staring at your phone, never mind having to wait before eating all meals so they can be Instagrammed first… how can you trust someone who has just tweeted a message about having the best day ever when you know they were crying on the floor in their pants when they wrote it?
Recycling Compatibility
You’re either a yoghurt pot rinser or you’re not.
Stick with your own kind, I beg you, for the good of us all.