HE WANTS OUR SEX TO BE SECRET

Dear Coleen

I’ve started sleeping with my one of my brother’s good friends. I’ve known him since I was little, and he’s always been really close to our family. He got kicked out of his house recently, so now he lives at my place.

One night he came up to my room and we ended up sleeping together. He texted me later telling me to keep it between us, and that we should just have sex secretly. The thing is, he has a girlfriend and I feel horrible about it, but I can’t tell her because I don’t want to upset him.

Plus I’ve also developed feelings for him, so I want to carry on being with him and I’m hoping he might end up liking me. What should I do?

Coleen says

I think you need to wake up and smell the coffee. Stop lying to yourself about what kind of person he is – he’s cheating on his girlfriend and telling you to keep quiet. Of course he wants to carry on sleeping with you in secret because he can have his cake and eat it!

You have to ask yourself whether you want to be the kind of person that allows someone to treat them like this. And don’t make the mistake of thinking that if you do tell his girlfriend about your affair, he’ll suddenly want to be with you. If he really likes you, he’d finish with his girlfriend and make your relationship official, but I don’t think it’s even on his radar.

Ask him outright where this is going because you don’t want to be with someone who has a girlfriend. If it’s clear he’s happy for you to be his bit on the side, then I’d strongly advise you to stop sleeping with him and ask him to find a new place to live – and pronto!