TORMENTED BY MISTRESS OF MAN I LIKE

Dear Coleen,

I’m unhappily married to a man I’ve been with for 20 years. I’ve contemplated leaving him for almost as long as we’ve been together. Apart from falling in love with each other at the start of the relationship, most of it hasn’t been happy.

Despite a desire to stray I have never cheated on him, probably because of my Catholic upbringing and my low libido. But a while ago a man caught my attention and I almost fell for him.

It was a completely platonic affair, but he doesn’t seem to want to leave me alone, even though he’s attached and has also a mistress whom I have the misfortune to know socially. This woman keeps having digs at me, telling me she’s having the “love affair of a lifetime”.

But I’d never want to be a mistress or just an object to satisfy a man’s need.

How can I make her stop without lowering myself to her level?

Coleen says

I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing. This woman should be the least of your worries. If she makes digs at you, just dismiss her and don’t take the bait. She’s probably jealous as she knows her lover has his eye on you. If you seem in the slightest bit bothered, she’ll keep making digs.

Focus instead on your very unhappy relationship and try to sort that out. After 20 years, things have never improved so make the break. But don’t get involved with this other man who sounds like a player.

I think you’ve fallen for his charms because you’re unhappy with the man you’re with, not because he’s a great person.