NEW MAN LIES AND SHOPLIFTS
Dear Coleen
I was in a relationship with a man for 20 years and we had four children together, but I left him a year ago and went through a lot of trauma in the process.
I now have a good man in my life who is really sticking up for me, but he has two major flaws and I’m lost as to how to handle them. First of all, he can’t manage money at all. As much as I’m trying to steer him in the right direction, he still hides the truth from me about his accounts and the huge amounts being deducted to pay back cash loans.
Secondly, I’ve also discovered that he’s been shoplifting every now and then.
So there are a lot of things about him that worry me, but for once in my life I’m happy and stable, and I’m afraid to give it up.
What’s your advice on how I can handle the situation?
Coleen says
I wouldn’t exactly describe your situation as “stable” and these “flaws” of his are pretty big.
I’m afraid that from where I’m standing, it looks like it’s a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire. I think you’ve perhaps been so desperate to get out of your 20-year relationship and find something better that you’ve latched on to the first guy who’s been nice to you and you’re blind to what kind of person he really is. He’s lying to you and hiding stuff, and he’s also stealing. What kind of stability does that give you and what kind of role model will he be for your four kids?
He’s obviously in a lot of debt and is stealing from Peter to pay Paul, so he needs to face up to that and get some professional advice on how to get himself out of it. A debt charity such as StepChange (stepchange.org, 0800 138 1111) can provide financial advice as well as devise a debt management plan that will help him pay it off at a more manageable rate.
He needs to show you that he’s committed to sorting out his debt and also to stop stealing. If he can’t do that, then please don’t be afraid to go it alone. It’s not easy to be a single parent to four kids, but it’s better than having police or loan sharks knocking on your door.