Frankly, I have the dream relationship
IT was inevitable when Donald Trump took over, so this won’t come as a shock: the end of the world is nigh.
It must be. This week I agree with a footballer.
Frank Lampard wakes up some mornings and tells his wife he isn’t speaking to her… because he’s unhappy with what she got up to in his dream.
This is, obviously, perfectly rational behaviour.
I’ve often been livid for the exact same reason (although the dreams feature my husband, not Christine Bleakley). I have every right to be – how dare he do such things? And in my subconscious, of all places.
He slept with Princess Anne one night, and – insult to injury – he was really blatant about it rather than sneaking around.
I was furious with him for most of the following day. I was also sporadically super angry in sudden bursts, whenever I re-remembered it, or saw images from it in my head. And even now, all this time later… b ***** d. How could he?
Christine attributed Frank’s morning fury to “a very positive kind of jealousy” which I’d never considered before, but is probably true. In real life, I’d say I’m not like that, I trust my husband (jinx?) and he never gives me any reason not to. But him romping with royalty in my dreams must mean something.
Although it’s not nice to realise you’re green at heart – being envious isn’t exactly an aspirational attribute – it’s a relief. That old saying is true - the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. The only things you worry about losing, or being ruined, are those that are precious. If a relationship is jealousy-free, it’s pretty much relationship-free too.
Of course I’m not talking about TOWIE level, where people check each other’s phones, cry, smash stuff in jealous rages and are all hectic about it. But a little bit of ‘oh, who’s she then?’ needs to surface from time to time, if only to be polite.
Relationships are all about balance, and achieving it in this area is tricky. You need to have trust, but not get too comfortable. You must care, but not so much you’re scary. You need to give your partner freedom, but within limits. They’re their own person, but they’re also... yours.
My husband basically has the best of all worlds. I am jealous, so I do care, but it only manifests itself when we’re both unconscious. It causes him absolutely no drama, embarrassment or hassle. Yes, I’m cross with him for a bit the next day, but if it wasn’t about that it would probably be about something else, so it’s same difference really.
There. Our next argument, resolved before it even begins… because now it’s scientifically proven - I literally am the perfect wife.