Hated by his family but he won’t stick up for me

Dear Coleen

My husband is very close to his mum and two older sisters. Their dad left when he was a teenager and doesn’t keep in touch, so the three of them are very close.

When I first met my husband four years ago I got the impression right away his mum and sisters didn’t approve of me. They’re very cliquey and never make much of an effort with me. I’ve tried so hard to be nice to them and become part of the family, but this is never returned.

Recently I found some texts on my husband’s phone from his mum bad-mouthing me for missing a family party. It was my best friend’s baby shower and I was organising it, and I only heard about the family party after I’d sent the invites out. His mum was so mean about me in these texts and I’d finally had enough.

I shouted at my husband that his mum and sisters hate me and that I didn’t know what their problem was. I want my husband to stick up for me and tell them to start treating me better, but he won’t. I feel like he’s putting them before me and I’m sick of it. What should I do?

Coleen says

Well firstly, mums and sisters can be a bit cliquey. I’m sure this is upsetting but you need to stay calm. Don’t get your husband to pick sides, because then things could soon turn into an all-out war. As long as you know you make the effort by being nice to them, and that you and your husband are fine, I would really stop worrying about what they think of you and stop trying to make them like you more.

It sounds like you’re being nice and polite, so this is their problem now.

She’s probably one of those mums who don’t think anybody is good enough for her boy, and the sisters may have picked up on that over the years and joined forces with her.

But that’s their issue. Just be nice and get on with your life.

Don’t try to drag your husband into things because it’s very hard to turn a man against his mum and sister.

However, the least he can do is have a word with his mum about those texts. If he has anything about him he’d say, “Look mum, you don’t have to love her, but keep any nasty thoughts to yourself.”

After that, you and your husband should get on with being happy and rise above his mum and sisters.

His mum was so mean about me in text messages