YEARNING TO LEAVE HUBBY FOR OLD LOVE

Dear Coleen

I’ve been married almost nine years and have two kids under five. I used to love someone 10 years ago and I ended up getting married to another man within months of the break-up in an arranged setting.

I tried to forget my ex, but I still crave him and miss him. To be honest, I’m not even sure if he would take me back now I have two children, but I just feel so burdened in this marriage because I am so attached to my ex.

We are in contact and still deeply care about each other, but the relationship is strictly friends.

I feel stressed all the time with my head in two different places, but cutting off my ex won’t help. I’ve tried, but my feelings for him only ever go away temporarily.

I just feel like I’m unable to love anyone else.

Please advise.

Coleen says

You need to admit to your ex how you really feel and find out how he feels. He might not feel the same way at all.

You could leave your husband tomorrow and your ex could say, ‘I love you as a friend, but I don’t want a relationship’ or ‘I don’t want to be a stepdad’ or ‘It’s too complicated’.

But whatever happens with your ex, it doesn’t sound like you’re in the right marriage. Focus on what you’re going to do about that.

From what you’ve said, you married him on the rebound and he seemed the next best option. Now you’re finding out that kind of arrangement is not enough for you. It’s hard when you have kids and also expectation from family, but it’s a long life to be unhappy and wishing things were different.

But if you leave your husband, don’t do it for your ex – do it for yourself. Good luck.