Birth live on net? You can push off

Like Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy and Tim Farron’s plans for power, childbirth is best left as fairytale.

All anyone needs to know before entering the labour room is that stuff from movies about how one moment there is a general bustling over hot water and towels and the next there’s a bonny clean baby beaming serenely from a blanket.

Cos trust me, no amount of information is going to make it any better. Unless laced with pethidine.

And yet it’s all the rage these days to ‘demystify’ childbirth. Now a ‘Mummy blogger’ (a job description which has never yet failed to make me retch) is planning to live stream the birth of her second child.

There won’t even be any of the editing that goes on in One Born Every Minute. Instead it’ll be one long blood, sweat and s**t selfie. “Who knows what will happen,” gushes mum-to-be Adele Barbaro. I, for one, won’t be tuning in to find out. Having lived the live experience three times, I’m firmly of the opinion childbirth is not a spectator sport.

Patty Jenkins’ new Wonder Woman movie has become the biggest US debut for a female director, taking a whopping £172million at the box office.

What would be a true wonder is if we don’t have to wait a further 120 years for another woman to beat that record. FAIRYTALE Birth like Tim’s plans

Look, I’m no fan of Diane Abbott. But after Nick Ferrari’s brilliant and entirely legitimate felling of her on his show, we’ve now entered a mean and unhelpful game of Bash the Abbott by every attention-seeking presenter she comes across haranguing her for exact inside leg measurements of Ituri pygmies and other such nonsense for no good reason at all.