I WANT LOVE BUT HE JUST WANTS SEX

Dear Coleen

I dated a guy I really like for months and it was serious, but we broke up after I moved out of town for my job. A couple of months on, I got in touch and suggested getting back together, but he didn’t want to know.

Then, a few weeks ago, he contacted me and we hooked up. He knew I was in love with him and I was aware he only wanted sex.

It lasted a couple of months and I told him I wanted more than a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship, but I carried on sleeping with him. When I last saw him, I told him it had to stop. That night we were in a bar, and I heard his friend ask him about a girl. I confronted him. He denied it.

We argued for days until he stopped replying to my messages. I apologised but he’s gone cold on me. I know I couldn’t continue in a relationship that makes me feel used, but I can’t help feeling it’s my fault for moving and losing him.

How can I stop missing him?

Coleen says

All you’ve lost is someone who hooked up with you for sex – it wasn’t the kind of relationship you wanted, but he was clear from the start all he was after was no-strings sex. You were a lot more involved emotionally than he was.

To move forward, I think you have to decide you’re not the type of person who can do friends with benefits. I couldn’t do it either.

If he does get in touch again, you must be strong and tell him you’re not interested unless he’s offering more than hook-ups for sex.

Give yourself the chance to meet guys who want the same things as you – great sex but with emotional attachment, loyalty and commitment. I think if the two of you were meant to be together, you’d have found a way to make it work, despite moving out of town.