Best friend is taking my hospitality for granted
Dear Coleen
I currently live with someone I once considered my best friend, but he’s driving me crazy. When he first moved in he paid towards bills and always helped around the house, but after a few months it just stopped.
He gets paid significantly more than I do, but because I occasionally get £100 in housing allowance to top up my earnings, he thinks he doesn’t have to pay rent.
He spends all his own money on clothes to leave all over the house – I haven’t been able to sit on my own couch in years – and then he steals my food, leaving me to rely on payday loans.
He disappears with his friends nearly every morning and then complains he can’t do housework when he gets home because he’s too tired. So, after standing at a till for up to nine hours, six days a week to pay the bills, I have to come home and spend another two hours doing all the housework or it won’t get done.
He also has his boyfriend stay over most nights. He doesn’t contribute either and then hangs around while my friend is out, so I also have someone else’s boyfriend invading my bedroom, wanting to talk because he’s bored and lonely.
My friend was 17 when he first moved in and is now 21. I thought he would grow up, but when that didn’t happen I tried talking to him like an adult, then like a child, but nothing works and I feel like a trapped single parent at 24. I didn’t sign up for this!
I really want to move out, but apart from having absolutely no money, the situation has also left me without time for other friends meaning he’s now all I’ve got. I’m terrified of living alone or with strangers. Any ideas on what my next step could be?
Coleen says
Surely getting to know new flatmates can’t be any worse than what you’re putting up with now? And why should you be the one to move out?
Look, I know it’s hard to ask someone to leave when they’re a friend, but you can’t get into debt for this person, who is not behaving like a friend at all. He’s totally taking you for granted by not paying his way or helping out around the house.
Trust me, he’s the kind of person who’ll bump into someone else with a nice flat and you won’t see him for dust. You have to think about yourself now.
I would simply tell him that you can’t afford to live like this any longer – you need a proper lodger to contribute half of everything, so you’re going to advertise for a new tenant. Then give him a month to move out.
As for feeling lonely – he’s the one who’s stopping you from making new friends. If he moves out, your circle of friends will increase, not least because you’ll have more time and money.