HUBBY CHASED YOUNGER WOMAN

Dear Coleen

My husband had a one-night stand seven years ago, but I recently found out he kissed a younger woman four months ago and has been pursuing her ever since.

I have found hundreds of messages between them and he obviously wants to be with her. However, while her texts are very encouraging, she always changes the subject before any proper arrangement can be made between them.

Now I have confronted her, she wants nothing to do with my husband and he is willing to try to make our marriage work.

However, he says that although he still loves me he is no longer in love with me.

What should I do?

Coleen says

I think that line is very telling and very hurtful for you: “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”. You have to ask yourself honestly if you want to stay married to a friend because that’s basically what he’s saying. And you also know that if this girl was still pursuing him, he’d go for it.

So the ball is very much in your court. Even if you’re still in love with him, to know he doesn’t feel the same way about you and that he could potentially go off with the first person he falls for would be very hard to live with.

If someone said that to me, I couldn’t stay with them. Your husband has a history of cheating, so perhaps he’s the type who will never be content. It’s important you take control of the situation otherwise your self-esteem will really suffer.

If you don’t want to make a rash decision, then I’d suggest a trial separation to give each of you time and space to work out how you feel and what you want.