An unwinnable war on two fronts... but they do grow up
THE upside to having twins is that, eventually, they grow up. Beyond that I’m struggling to find words of encouragement for the Clooneys and the Beyonce-Jay Zs.
Everyone told us how fortunate we were having twins. Nobody warned we would descend to a circle of hell below a night out in Magaluf and just above sharing a cab with Katie Hopkins.
They never told us that twins never sleep at the same time but use telepathic powers to arrange maximum disruption. Or, once they
JASON BEATTIE
learn to walk, they do so in opposite directions at full velocity. Or how they kick, bite and harbour an Olympic-sized competitive streak.
They did call truces – but to plot ways to play one parent off against the other. I’m very fond of my charming, wonderful Catherine and Pip. I just wish they had staggered their arrival.