HE DEBATED LEAVING ME FOR EX

Dear Coleen

About a month ago, my boyfriend and I started arguing because he was in contact with his ex, who still holds a torch for him and was trying to persuade him to leave me. I know this because I read the messages, and also he told me I was right about the fact she still liked him.

Then a few days ago I learned he’d actually been debating leaving me for her, but ended up choosing to stay with me. Finding this out really hurt me, and I simply don’t know how to respond to it.

He has ceased all communication with her, but admitted that he cared about her, adding that he loved me and that’s why he’s with me now. I’m not sure how to get past this. What’s your advice?

Coleen says

It is incredibly hurtful. If you still want to be with him, that’s OK – don’t let anyone judge you for that. But you need to make it clear to him that if he pulls anything like that again, you won’t let it go a second time.

For you to feel secure and confident, and for the relationship to succeed, you need to know he’s committed to you 100%. Anything less won’t do.

Ask him to delete those messages, not to reply to her if she gets in touch and to remove her from social media. He’s going to have to make a big effort to prove to you it’s over with her. I don’t know how new your relationship is, but just be careful he’s not playing games to satisfy his ego or keeping his options open.

If he does want to be with you, there have to be rules when it comes to this ex.

To the woman whose husband admitted he didn’t love her but is prepared to stay with her, please walk away (Dear Coleen, June 19).

It’s so hurtful to hear that, but even if you still love him, how can you stay in a marriage knowing your husband would rather be somewhere else?

You deserve better – walk away with your held high and give yourself the chance to meet someone else. Good luck. Sue, via email