I want to date again, but I’m nervous to even try

Dear Coleen

It’s been over a year since I’ve been in a relationship with anyone after my ex-boyfriend ended things. I was so heartbroken because he was my first love and I never thought I’d be with anyone else – I was sure we’d go the distance.

Now I don’t know what the future holds – whether we’ll get back together or not – but I’ve finally accepted that I need to move on for myself.

I also think it would make my ex jealous if he saw me with someone else. I know that might sound mean, but I want him to feel how I do when I see him with his new girlfriend, who used to be a mate of mine.

The thing is, I just don’t know how to put myself out there because it’s been so long since I was on the ‘singles market’ and I’m so nervous of going up to someone and being rejected, even though I haven’t really tried it.

To make things more daunting, all of my good friends are stunning and have boys dropping at their feet, so there is a lot of competition when we go out together. How do I put myself out there and get the opportunity to meet new people again?

My pals are all stunning – boys drop at their feet

Coleen says

First of all, I wouldn’t think of dating in terms of getting revenge on your ex. Do it for yourself and if he sees that you’ve moved on and you’re happy, then it’s a nice bonus because it’ll undoubtedly annoy him.

Whether you’ve been off the dating scene for a few weeks or a few years, everyone has the same anxieties about meeting new people.

Very few of us are so self-confident that we take it in our stride, so we’re all in the same boat.

You’re probably overthinking things – stop worrying about ‘going up to someone and being rejected’ and just go out for the night with your friends, enjoy yourself and see what happens.

The more you go out and get used to chatting to different people, the less intimidating it’ll be and the more confident you’ll become.

New hobbies and courses are a good way to meet like-minded people and widen your social network and why not give dating apps and sites a go?

Anything that puts you in touch with new people is worth a shot.

I think breaking up with your first love hurts the most (the first cut is the deepest, as the saying goes), but you’re over the hardest bit and you’re ready to move on, so the only way is up.