Regrets? No, I’d still do the lads’ mags even though it made my brother cringe... but I’d get cash up front
Gail Porter, the former lads’ mag favourite whose naked rear was projected on the Houses of Parliament, is struggling to come up with a title for the autobiography she is writing, but laughs as she reveals her current favourite is simply “Really???”
“One of my friends suggested it,” she says. And when you consider the incredible highs and lows of her life story, yes, incredulous is exactly how you feel.
This is a woman who was a supersuccessful model and TV presenter, but who ended up sleeping rough on a park bench when the work offers dried up after she had lost all her hair to alopecia.
She wed a rock star, had a daughter, suffered depression, got divorced, was sectioned, self-harmed, attempted suicide, was diagnosed bipolar, battled with anorexia, had a televised breast reduction, and became bankrupt.
Plenty of material there for her second autobiography – her first, Laid Bare: My Story Of Love, Fame And Survival, was ghost written and she barely even read it. So, as she looks back at her life now, would she do anything differently?
“Save money,” she replies, adding: “I’d still do the lads’ mags – I had a great a**e – but I’d ask for cash up front as I never got paid to do any of them.
“The FHM I was in was one of the biggest-selling, so there must have been a bit of money off my a**e.
“I was quite proud of myself. Those pictures weren’t filthy and I didn’t think they were offensive at all, though everybody else seemed to.
“I don’t think dad has ever acknowledged it. Mum was not best pleased. Grandpa thought it was funny and bought a copy of the magazine, which was a bit weird.
“My brother was mortified as all his mates were buying magazines featuring his big sister naked, which was not cool
for him. He said, ‘I went to someone’s house and there was a nude picture of you on the wall. It’s disgusting’.”
Of the FHM magazine stunt when a rear view of her naked was projected on to the Palace of Westminster in 1999, Gail, 46, says: “It was only my bottom. They had to get rid of my nipple. Apparently it was offensive – unlike a 100ft a**e. I wish John Prescott had popped his head out where my nipple would have been.”
She is talking in the modest North London flat she started renting in 2015 after her last notable TV appearance, as a Celebrity Big Brother contestant.
Prior to that she had been homeless, sofa surfing with friends and even spending a couple of nights on a park bench because she was too ashamed to admit she had lost her house.
Gail, from Edinburgh, made her name on kids’ TV shows such as Fully Booked and Live & Kicking, before hosting Top Of The Pops, The Big Breakfast, and Wish You Were Here...?. But when she lost her hair 12 years ago, things “changed dramatically”.
She says: “If any programmes are discussing alopecia or, ‘What does it feel like to look different?’, I get a call. I’ve still got the same brain. I’m still the same person, I just look different.”
Gail, who has a 14-yearold daughter, Honey, says: “My hair loss doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m quite happy with it. No hairdressers, no shampoo or conditioner, only two minutes in the shower every morning. I’ve got a good-shaped head, and a daughter who loves me, so it’s no problem for me.
“I’m like, ‘It’s been 12 years, can we talk about something else?’. I’ve got a cat, I got laid last Friday’ – well, I didn’t, but you know what I mean. It’d be nice if I had a job. That’s the only thing that stresses me out.”
In her presenting career, Gail interviewed many big stars, mainly for The Chart Show. She says: “I went to Paris to do a three-minute interview with Robert de Niro and Billy Crystal. I was really nervous because I love de Niro – I did my final dissertation on Taxi Driver but I can’t remember if I told him as it was all a blur. He didn’t say much, but I was still thrilled to meet him.
“John Travolta was difficult to interview because he’s got a transplant-type hairline. I was bald at the time too. He was in an awful film and I couldn’t think of anything good to say about it. So I had to sit and think of nice things to say about the worst movie I’ve ever seen and stop staring at his hairline.”
Although Gail dated Keith Flint from The Prodigy and was married to Dan Hipgrave of Toploader, she tries to avoid some of her music heroes. She says: “I’ll never meet Dave Grohl because I love him in a weird, stalkertype way, and when Damon Albarn sees me he says, ‘You hid from me in the Top Of The Pops toilets’. I did. I had a thing for him. I introduced Blur, and waited in the loo until they left.
“I remember interviewing Geri Halliwell. I just had to ask about her new single and she sent for an assistant, and it was all very drama drama.
When Victoria Beckham came on, she was surrounded by a huge Mariah Carey-style entourage – did she need that? Was she going to get mugged by a 12-year-old? Weird.”
Declared bankrupt in January, Gail is trying to get back on her feet. She was a brand ambassador for insolvency practitioner Creditfix, and does voice-overs for the Royal Bank Of Scotland. She is a regular panellist on Channel 5’s The Wright Stuff, hosted by ex-Mirror writer Matthew Wright.
She says: “We didn’t get on at first because he used to call me The StripMovie ping Dwarf in the Daily Mirror. When he first asked me on to The Wright Stuff, I said ‘Yes’ then didn’t turn up. I was like, ‘Don’t mess with me, mate’. We became friends after that.”
Gail also does stand-up comedy, and says: “My stand-up is a lot about the hair. When I start off saying, ‘I look like a massive baby with boobs’, people don’t know where to look.”
But people are supportive. She says: “People in the street talk to me all the time. They tell me about their problems and their hair. When I used to go to Sainsbury’s, I’d be in and out in 15 minutes, now I have to give it an hour for the stopping and chatting.”
So, she is slowly getting back on her feet, and says: “I’ve got a gorgeous daughter. I’ve not got much cash, but money’s not everything.”
But she would be laughing all the way to the bank if that autobiography was ever made into a movie. She says: “Now that would be great, but who would play me? Matt Lucas in drag?”
www.gailporter.co.uk
I’ve got the same brain, I’m still the same person. I just look different