I CAN’T COPE WITH UNRULY LITTLE BOY

Dear Coleen

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and have four boys. The older three are his from a previous relationship and we had a son together, who is one.

His eldest is nine and we’ve never got along. He’s rude, disrespectful and was expelled from his last school. He’s hurt himself and his brothers and is a genuinely bad kid.

Since my boyfriend is at work 14 hours a day, I’m usually home with all the boys unless I’m at college and I always end up arguing with the eldest lad because of how disrespectful he is, or because he has an attitude.

Whenever I ask my boyfriend to intervene he just tells me to stop being so hard on him, or he’ll just put him in his room for the night.

I’ve told him I’m not OK with this and he needs to talk to him. I’m really considering taking our son and moving out because living in that environment is not good for me or our boy. What should I do?

Coleen says

I think you need to cool your jets. This boy is just nine years old and sounds really unhappy and troubled.

Most kids react like this because something is troubling them. You don’t mention the situation with his mother and if she’s still on the scene, but perhaps he’s thinking “this isn’t my home and you’re not my mum”. He may be struggling to find his place, or is jealous.

I think you need to change tactics, maybe spending some time with him on his own. Take him out and try to talk to him about how he’s feeling. Have a word with his school, too, and find out how he is behaving there. Try to identify any underlying problems.

I’m not excusing bad behaviour, but there’s always a reason for it. Also, think about some play therapy for him or family therapy.