Rude veg

I suspect last year’s Brexit vote was partly due to the EU’s attempt to stamp out quirky fruit and veg, when they standardised the shape of our goods.

They censored the joyful bunches of rude parsnips that used to enliven every greengrocer – and contributed to the gaiety of our show.

Our programme was swamped with them. In fact, in the end we had to ask people to stop sending them in because we had a fridge which was overflowing with the stuff.

I remember one programme editor said a certain tomato crossed the line until I pointed out that it was simply a tomato that wanted to be a cucumber.

I cannot go into too much more detail than that...