Katie nails career low

Much as I admired all those great ideas in Channel 4’s How To Retire At 40 last night, someone topped the lot a couple of hours later.

Because I will be staggered if Quest Red’s Katie Price: My Perfect Life doesn’t end up being a career ender for everyone’s favourite 39-year-old former glamour model.

I’m sure there will always be a market for footage of manufactured rows with her current husband and shaving her alpaca in broad daylight.

However, given how hard it was to find Quest Red on my telly I suspect that market was shrinking even before Katie was reduced to signing up with that particular channel.

That’s before we get to her latest bid to crack the charts, which Katie announced in the first episode of this, her 17th fly-on-the-wall show.

“It’s not a ballad. It’s a dance track,” she explained, before anyone could mention the time she nuked A Whole New World with Peter Andre.

An update on Katie’s vocal ability arrived during a trip to her music producer pal Tom Zanetti’s studio.

“I’ve got a vocal you will nail,” Tom assured her, and in a way he was right. Katie “nailed it” all the way down the blackboard.

At which point I began to hope Katie was just sending herself up.

The alternative, that her grip on reality is even looser than her vocals, is almost too painful to bear.

PS. Quest Red can be found on Sky channel 162, Freesat 169 and Virgin 215. Which, funnily enough, are the most likely highest chart positions for Katie’s new single.