WILL HIS JOB ABROAD RUIN OUR MARRIAGE?

Dear Coleen

I’ve been married for 10 years and have two children aged six and eight. My husband has recently been offered a job abroad on a big construction project and it seems too good an opportunity for him to pass up.

Financially, it would really get us out of a hole and there aren’t many opportunities for him here at the moment.

The plan would be for him to come home once a month for a few days, which isn’t ideal, but it would only be for a year or 18 months until the project has finished and then he’d look for another job back home.

We feel really worried about how it will affect the kids as well as our relationship, and keep changing our minds, even though we know that financially it makes sense.

Please help!

Coleen says

Generally, I don’t like the idea of long-distance relationships – for most couples it’s a very challenging situation. If you’re not careful, it’s very easy to lose that close connection you have and grow apart. And if there are any niggling issues in your relationship, they can grow into huge problems.

At the same time, not accepting this job could put pressure on your relationship if you’re struggling financially. I think you should agree on a trial period with him working abroad and then review it. During that time, keep up the Skype or FaceTime calls and make sure you stay connected as much as possible.

Kids are incredibly adaptable and they will get used to their dad being away, and you can explain that it’s only for a period of time.

The hardest thing might actually be adapting when your husband comes back once a month, so plan ahead to get the most out of that.