Lucky kids nothing to Harp on about
JUST so you know, I was enjoying a coffee in a local cafe, while perusing the papers, before I embarked upon filling this page.
Annoyingly, I was distracted by the sound of an odious woman regaling her friend with how well her son was doing at uni.
Apparently his tutor had “never come across” an economics student like him. “Especially macro economics”; he was a genius in that department. I haven’t a clue who he is, but I felt a strange antipathy towards him. His mother, meanwhile, was mightily adept at squeezing every teeny weeny micro bit of bragging opportunity out of the situation, and pounding her weary, opaque-eyed, companion with it. It is a truth universally unacknowledged – yet secretly harboured by most of us, I suspect – that no one is much interested in celebrating the amazing achievements of other people’s children/grandchildren/stepchildren (it’s a bit like being treated to someone’s seemingly interminable holiday snaps). We’re not that pleased for them. Especially if they’re the privileged offspring of public figures who have done well for themselves. If only someone had passed that insight on to David Beckham, then, before he proudly posted a picture of six-year-old daughter, Harper, celebrating her birthday at Buckingham Palace accompanied by her friends and Princess Eugenie. It was very sweet. It was innocent. It was motivated by pride and love. It was greeted with resentment. Almost horror. I love the Beckhams – you couldn’t wish to meet a nicer, more down-to-earth pair – but hands up anyone who was delighted for Harper and her mates?
Of course parents want the best for their kids, but that very much depends on what each of us thinks ‘the best’ is.
For me it’s not separating my kids off from the 93% who attend state schools. It’s not taking them to fancy celebrity events (they’d be horrified anyway).
It’s about letting them work, under their own steam, for their own success and self-esteem. We all thought ‘good lad’ when we heard Brooklyn Beckham was earning his cash by working in a coffee shop. We weren’t as impressed by the sight of What I See, his very stylish book of photography, currently being featured in the windows of Waterstones nationwide. A regular 18-year-old would find it almost impossible to do that without connections.
David and Victoria worked – and continue to work – relentlessly hard for their success. Hard-won success bears the gift of knowing YOU’VE done it, YOU’VE earned it. Unearned privilege bears just that – unearned privilege, a feeling your life’s been gifted rather than won.
The greatest gifts you can give a child are love, a work ethic and the ability to self-achieve. My 18-year-old’s working a 50-hour-a-week warehouse job to save up for a holiday with his mates. Oh, and the new Chelsea kit.
If he eventually does well in life it’ll be his achievement. If he doesn’t it’ll no doubt be our fault. I’m willing to take that hit to enable him to be in possession of his own future.
Whatever that may hold. (Oh no! Just realised, now I’m doing that holiday snap/other people’s children thing too. Sorry).
‘Children bragging’ parents are just so annoying