NO DESIRE FOR SEX WITH HUBBY

Dear Coleen

I’m a married woman and I have two beautiful children aged nine and six. My husband is a devoted, caring partner and a wonderful father. However, my problem is that I don’t have ‘that’ desire any more. When we have sex I think about another man I work with.

I know I’m an awful person but, after many years together, I see my husband more like a very close friend than a lover. I deeply respect him and I don’t want to hurt him. What can I do? Stay silent for a lifetime?

I’d appreciate your advice.

Coleen says I think this is a really tough scenario – it’s almost easier if you’re angry with that person for doing something to threaten the relationship, such as cheating.

I imagine you feel very sad that it’s come to this and also guilty for the feelings you have. But I don’t think you should stay silent for a lifetime. If you love and respect your husband as you say you do, then I don’t think it’s right to stay with him out of pity or some sense of duty.

Personally, I wouldn’t want someone to stay with me for those reasons. You both deserve happiness in your future. And while things might be OK now, if you let these feelings build up and do nothing about them, the chances are you might cheat on him or you’ll grow more and more resentful and direct that pent up anger and frustration at him. Don’t go down that path.

If you really think the physical side of your relationship can’t be salvaged, then you need to talk to him about how you feel and what you do about it.

It is possible to have an amicable separation if you both commit to it.