I AVOID SEX WITH GREAT BOYFRIEND

Dear Coleen

I’m not sure what to do about my relationship. My boyfriend is great in every way, but I’m struggling to want to be intimate with him. It’s got to the point where I will literally do anything to avoid having sex.

I always come up with the excuse of being tired all the time, but he is now starting to see through it because I’ve used it so often. Can you give me some advice?

Coleen says

Yes – be honest with yourself about why you’re avoiding sex. Until you do that, it’s impossible to solve the problem.

Is it to do with sex itself? Do you have no sex drive or are you embarrassed or worried about anything? Or is it the case that you don’t actually find your boyfriend sexually attractive, but won’t admit it to yourself because he’s perfect in every other way?

Here’s the thing: a person can be ideal for you on paper and tick all the boxes but, when it comes down to it, there’s no sexual chemistry between you.

It’s a tough one, especially if you really like or even love that person.

But if that spark of sexual attraction isn’t there to begin with, then it’s not something you can work at. It’s either there or it isn’t.

If it’s that you’ve been together a long time and have let the physical side of your relationship drop down your list of priorities, then it is possible to reignite things. But those feelings and urges don’t just reappear magically – you need to put in some effort.

So that means thinking of ways to spend more time together to see how you can up the romance and reconnect – which in turn helps rebuild sexual intimacy.