POLLYOMETER

Going down... Bore wars In the week it emerged that Madonna called Whitney Houston “horribly mediocre” in the 90s, rumour had it Cheryl Nosurname and Sarah Harding were on the outs. Cheryl had already unfollowed Sarah on Twitter, now Sarah’s posted an Instagram quote about people who hurt you facing karma. Pop feuds: officially not what they used to be.

Beauty to beast For the last few weeks I’ve had a ludicrous, shallow, teenage girlesque crush on Mike from Love Island. I made myself not notice that his personality was missing, so hot was he. But then, on Sunday, he proudly admitted: “You know what? It’s a rare thing when I actually listen to a girl talk.” And lo, the spell was broken – he suddenly looked repulsive. Now I wouldn’t

do him with Tyla’s.