I FEEL USED AFTER SHE DUMPED ME

Dear Coleen

I’ve been seeing a woman from work for nearly a year and I fell for her in a big way.

I was never really honest about how serious I was about her, though, because I didn’t want to scare her off. She’s a few years younger and told me she wasn’t thinking of marriage and babies, whereas I’m in my mid-30s and looking to settle down with a partner.

Then a couple of weeks ago, she told me she’d met someone she’s in love with and she wants to give it a shot with him.

I feel devastated and angry, too, because she led me to believe she didn’t want a serious relationship.

I feel stupid for investing so much and think she was just using me until someone better came along. How can I move on from this and trust someone again?

Coleen says

Well, to be fair, she didn’t know how much you’d invested in your relationship. And if she said she wasn’t looking to settle down then that should have been a warning that it wasn’t the best match.

I think the way to move on is to accept she wasn’t the one for you. If she had been, you’d be together.

I’ve been hurt many times in relationships, but I still trust people until they let me down.

If you’re not open to that, no relationship will get off the ground and you’ll prevent yourself from meeting someone who is totally right for you. You’re still a young guy and have plenty of time for marriage and babies.

Look, in every relationship I’ve ever had I’ve always been the one to get dumped, but it hasn’t made me cynical and I think that’s the way you need to approach it.

And the next time you meet a woman you really like, be honest with her about what you want from a relationship.

Hopefully, she’ll want the same but, if she doesn’t, you’ll minimise the risk of hurt later on.