Nurse spoke for the nation as EastEnders pair screamed

Sometimes in soapland you come across a character who speaks for the nation. In last night’s EastEnders, that character was the nurse who walked in on Sharon and Lisa as they yelled at each other across poor Louise’s bed like two leads in a musical, building up for the closing number.

“Louise needs quiet,” said the nurse. And I can’t have been the only viewer screaming a the screen: “So do I!” Mercifully for Louise (Tilly Keeper, pictured left), she was spared the worst of the slanging match between her two mums.

She’d been dosed up on morphine to ease the pain of the third-degree burns she suffered following that attack at last week’s school prom.

By the looks of things, Lisa’s reappearance after a 14-year absence is just a plot device to hasten Phil Mitchell’s return from Italy.

We had a brief glimpse of Phil last night answering a phone call from his son Ben.

It was dark, but from what I could make out in the gloom, it looks like Phil has been staying in the Italian version of the bedroom in Misery all this time. How Phil will react to the news that the woman who shot him in 2001 is back in Albert Square is anyone’s guess.

Hopefully he won’t have undergone one of those magical soap transformations that has rendered him all reflective and contrite.

No, I want to see him marching up to Lisa in the Vic and yelling: “You’re under a citizen’s arrest! Prepare to die!”