HIS BOOZING MOTHER IS RUINING LIFE

Dear Coleen

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over three years. We are currently living with his mum as she is an alcoholic and my partner is constantly worried about her.

I completely understand that she’s always going to be a priority, but she won’t accept help for her drinking. And she always interferes in any conversation, argument or activity that we are involved in.

I’m starting to despise the situation, which breaks my heart as I love my partner dearly.

I know we won’t be moving from her house anytime soon as I wouldn’t want to make my partner choose, but I’m not sure what I can do as it’s causing arguments between us because I’m so fed up being around it all. Am I in the wrong?

Coleen says No, I don’t think you’re in the wrong. It’s a very difficult and frustrating situation.

Your partner, as much as he thinks he’s helping his mum (and clearly turning his back on her would make him feel guilty), in a way he’s making it easier for her to ignore her problems.

You can’t force her to acknowledge her addiction and accept help, and it could be a very long time before she does, if ever. So you and your partner need a long-term plan for what you want.

If your relationship is to survive, you can’t live with his mum for ever. You need to work together to think of ways that you can gradually have more independence and focus on your relationship, while still supporting her.

It may be helpful to her in the long run. Moving out would force your partner to investigate support for his mum from other people and agencies.

You and your partner could benefit from going to Al-Anon Family Group, for friends and relatives of alcoholics.

Visit al-anonuk.org.uk.