SO OUT OF TUNE

A character named Jemma Lucy, who seems to have mistaken her body for a colouring-in book, is preparing for her foray into the Celebrity Big Brother house by saying: “Cheryl will want to tune in.” Jemma, you won’t remember, had a fling with Cheryl’s perma-rat ex-husband Ashley Cole. I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty convinced multimillionaire Cheryl, happily settled with multimillionaire hottie Liam Payne and mum to gorgeous baby Bear, will be cuddling up on the sofa in her luxury mansion and definitely NOT tuning in to hear anything this slapper has to say, ever.