DAUGHTER’S PARTY SNUB WORRY

Dear Coleen

This may seem like a trivial problem compared to some you receive, but it’s causing me sleepless nights. I have a fiveyear-old daughter whose best friend from school didn’t invite her to her birthday party recently. Most of my daughter’s other friends were invited and, as a result, she cried herself to sleep the other night.

I’ve tried to make her feel better but, actually, I don’t really know how to explain it to her. I don’t know whether the mother has a problem with me or my daughter. All I know is that the girls are close and play together all the time.

Any ideas on how to handle it?

Coleen says

I get that anything that hurts your kids is worse than anything that hurts you. I still get upset if my grown-up kids get left out of things. Maybe the girls had a little row at school and, as a result, her friend has told her mum she doesn’t want your daughter at her party. It could be as simple as that.

But, here’s the thing, kids can hate each other one day and be best friends again the next, so I don’t think it’s worth getting into a row with the mother over it. At my kids’ schools I’ve seen other mothers get into rows, over Facebook over their children, and snub each other at the school gates while their kids have forgotten all about their dispute and are playing happily again.

You could ask the mum if you’ve done anything to upset her or her daughter – but, if it were me, I wouldn’t get involved. I know it’s hurtful, but I don’t think you should take it personally. Your kids have a lot of years together at school.

As for how you manage your daughter, why not suggest a special day out for just the two of you and make a fuss of her.

And if your daughter wants to invite this girl to her party, then let her invite her. Finally, don’t always assume your kid is an angel – even the sweetest ones can be horrors.

I agreed with the response you gave to the letter about the granddad who refuses to fund his granddaughter’s wedding if her dad walks her down the aisle (Dear Coleen, July 17).

You’re right – she ought to scale down the wedding if it’s important to her that her father gives her away.

Sadly weddings bring out the best and the worst in people.

If her grandad refuses to put aside his differences with her father for one day, it will be his loss.

Hopefully it can be sorted. S Kemp, Kent