Behold the Kickmen Game

Dan Marshall, who developed this game, will be the first to tell you he knows nothing about football.

In fact, the game’s description on gaming platform Steam explains that it was “made by someone who has no understanding of, or interest in” football.

Starting as a joke on Twitter before developing into the intentionally incorrect football simulation that it is now, Behold the Kickmen doesn’t even pretend to be an accurate portrayal of “the beautiful game”. The pitch is round for a start. There are nine players per team. You “do more goals” by shooting from further away. The offside rule is nonsense. As ridiculous as all of its inaccuracies are, they are what makes Behold the Kickmen a genuinely amusing arcade game. It’s a football game that shows how nonfootball gamers perceive the sport, which can be enjoyed by both fans and non-fans alike.