Is revenge cheating ever affair game?
As Demelza canoodles with another man to punish her two-timing husband Poldark, we ask…
it hurts, and are quite blatant about it. But often they ricochet into an affair because they feel totally shellshocked – they are not necessarily after revenge but seeking solace after having their trust broken.
“Understanding what has happened can seem a tall order, which is when people make rash decisions.” But, she says, while devastating, a double
affair doesn’t necessarily mean a doomed marriage. “My advice is to try and keep calm, even if you are full of rage and upset,” she says. “It can be a difficult and painful process but people can find their way back into a relationship.” The mixed results are illustrated by two unnamed women who shared online experiences of revenge cheating. One, a mum, says five years on, her marriage is all the stronger for it. She says: “I had a revenge fling after my husband admitted he had an affair. It’s not ideal. “Not only did it inject a thrill in my life but it also helped cushion the hurt and rejection. “And no, I did not feel guilty because of the circumstances. I didn’t tell my husband about the affair. I imagine he would have felt hurt. But this wasn’t about hurting him. It was about taking steps to make me feel better. Now we’re still married five years on and our marriage is repaired. Having realised what we could have lost, we now spend more time with each other.”
Another woman, though, said an affair actually made her angry at herself – because that’s not who she is. She said: “My husband’s affair left me feeling worthless. So after six months, I began my own.
“After I had sex with someone else, it freed me from the hurt. I was able to see things from a different perspective. But I also hated who I’d become – someone who would lie and hurt.”
Others, while not having cheated, have spoken out against monogamy. Scarlett Johansson, 32, who has filed for divorce from her second husband, French journalist Romain Dauriac, said: “I don’t think it’s natural to be a monogamous person.”
While Felicity Kendall, 70, who reunited with her ex-husband Michael Rudman, to whom she is faithful, said: “Look, if it’s accepted that you can fall off your horse, you will ride stronger.
“You don’t want to fall off, and hopefully you won’t. But it is pretty common, in a lifetime.”
Although in 18th century Poldark society affairs were scandalous, in an age when over 40% of marriages end in failure, some believe infidelity is not only inevitable, but preferable to divorce. Many question the idea of fidelity. Take away the guilt of an affair with an open relationship, they say, and nobody gets hurt.
One couple, Tony Williams and Debbie Dowsett, of North London, insist giving each other permission to have affairs is key to the happiness of their 18-year relationship.
“I still fancy Debbie and we have a good sex life,” says Tony, 60, a retired security director. “This stops us getting stuck in a rut.”
Debbie, a hairdresser, says: “Tony thought it would add another dimension to our relationship. I was reluctant – I thought it would split us up.”
Six months later she relished the chance to watch TV alone. “It meant I could do what I wanted,” she says.
So perhaps there’s hope for the Poldarks after all…
He made me feel worthless so I had an affair of my own UNNAMED PARTNER ON HER REVENGE FLING