Can I ask new girlfriend to quit her job to live abroad?
Dear Coleen
I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for nine months, so I still think of our relationship as quite new. It’s going really well, though. So well that I’d been thinking of asking her to move in with me.
My problem is, last week I was offered an amazing job opportunity in Canada, which I don’t feel I can turn down. It’s just too good and I’m unlikely to be offered something similar again.
Ideally, I want my girlfriend to leave her job and come with me. I’d be earning more than enough for both of us, so she wouldn’t have to worry about money and could take her time to find work.
The thing is, I know she loves her job and her company really values her – she’s also worked very hard to climb the career ladder to where she is.
I don’t want to offend her by asking her to come with me. I’m aware it might sound really arrogant, but I don’t want to lose her either. I’ve totally fallen for this woman so I feel really torn and would appreciate your advice.
Coleen says
Rather than fretting about it, I think you just have to break the news that
I’ve been offered a great job over in Canada and want her to come too
you’ve been offered the job opportunity of a lifetime and see how she feels about it. Then you have to discuss if, and how, you can make your relationship work in the new circumstances.
Look at every avenue, but be prepared for the outcome that she might say while she’s delighted for you, she’s not going to leave her job and would like you to consider turning it down.
Your relationship has been amazing for the past nine months, but you just have to weigh it all up.
Perhaps the way to start off would be to try the long-distance thing first to see how it works out. That will probably tell you very quickly whether you should be together or not.
If you miss each other desperately, then one of you might be more willing to make that sacrifice so you can be together.
A little cautionary word – it’s easy to make rash decisions when you’re bathing in that glow of a new relationship, so try to keep your practical head on, too, and think about what your life might look like in a year or two from now.