AM I SELFISH FOR WANTING TO HAVE SEX?

Dear Coleen

I feel horrible writing to you about this because I sound so selfish, but my mother-in-law died in March and, since then, my wife has been totally uninterested in sex.

We’re both still young – I’m 39 and she’s 37 – and sex has always been high on the agenda for both of us.

I don’t want to bring it up with my wife, as I’m sure she’ll just think I’m a selfish moron and it’s only been four months since her mum passed away.

Is this normal and how do you think I should approach it?

Coleen says

Grief affects people differently. Some want that closeness and lifeaffirming quality that sex brings, while for others it’s way down the list of priorities and just getting up in the morning is a struggle.

Your wife is obviously still finding it tough. I think the way to approach it is not to make it all about sex.

Sit down and ask her how she’s feeling, if she’s coping and if there’s anything you can do to help.

You could add there have been times that you’ve wanted to hold her and make love to her, but you don’t know if she’s ready yet.

And add you’re there to support her with whatever she needs.

She’s probably been so wrapped up in her grief that she’s not even aware that sex has stopped. She can contact bereavement charity cruse. org.uk for support and information.