Our pavements are a walk on wild side

CAN I just stand up for the poor pedestrians amongst us?

Us folk who, daily, have to navigate the road rage, the speeding drivers, the hideous killer diesel fumes, the traffic light-ignoring cyclists, the pedestrian crossing-ignoring cyclists, the pavement-hogging cyclists, the cyclistscum-detectives with Go-Pros on their helmets, the Lycra-clad Tour de Pavement cyclists and the by-law offending cyclists.

Then there’s the aggressive joggers – the ones who can’t stop jogging while they wait for traffic lights to change, the joggers who’re wired up to so many gadgets they look as though they’ve escaped from intensive care and now, FGS, the joggers who’d gladly push you into the path of an oncoming bus rather than let their heart-rate dip below 180bpm.

Why is it that those of us not blessed with a zealot gene, a P for petrolhead chromosome, or an addiction to clingy fabric, are deemed not worthy of a space on the road, on a path through a park, a promenade by the sea, or indeed, a bloody pavement, by these self-involved, fat-fearing fanatics? What has happened to pavement etiquette, whereby us strange people who choose to walk need not fear for our safety? Let’s have a look at the Oxford English Dictionary definition of pavement btw. Here goes: “A raised paved or asphalted path for pedestrians at the side of a road”. Ha! “For PEDESTRIANS”. Repeat after me: Pavements are for pedestrians. Roads and cycle lanes are for cyclists, as outlined in various local by-laws which, if they’re contravened, can result in sanctions or punishment, but in reality are rarely enforced by local councils. That’s a shame because an appearance in a magistrates’ court resulting in a criminal record and a fine would be a sobering experience, if not a lesson in civility.

It IS criminal to endanger another person’s safety just because you can’t be a***d to use the road.

So, there’s no doubt that tougher enforcement of by-laws is needed because right now getting from A to B, enjoying a nice stroll, a cardio-pumping power walk, or even a wander to the bus stop, is becoming more and more difficult for pedestrians who can no longer trust the safety of the pavement. It’s like an assault course out there if you merely rely on the handy little transporters you were born with – i.e. legs – to get around.

Carry on cycling, by all means. Jog on without aggression if you like. But pavements are for pedestrians.

By law.