IS DATING BEST PAL A MISTAKE?

Dear Coleen

I feel very confused about my relationship. I’ve been dating my male best friend about three months now.

At first it was great because we knew everything about each other before we got together romantically, but now I’m worried I’ve made a mistake and keep thinking we might have been better off as friends.

I don’t know exactly what I feel, but I get moody at him often for no reason. When he asks me what’s wrong, I always say “nothing”, but he can tell it’s about him.

However, he never pursues it and doesn’t seem bothered about sorting it out. I feel as if he doesn’t care. What do you think?

Coleen says Well, of course he doesn’t pursue it because every time he asks you what’s wrong, you tell him nothing. He’s not a mind reader.

You have to be open with him about how you feel to start the discussion and work out what you want to do. I think it’s always a gamble to date a good friend, and when things don’t work out it’s very rare to go back to being just mates.

It sounds to me that although you’re now dating, he’s still treating you as a best mate and you’re hoping for more.

Lots of people wish they could just fall in love with their best friend, assuming it’ll be easy. But when there isn’t that deep emotional and physical connection, and you cross that line into a relationship, then it’s not going to be as you’d hoped.

You may be great friends, but if the chemistry isn’t there, however perfect you are on paper, it isn’t going to work.

And it’s OK to admit it hasn’t worked. You can’t stay with him just because he’s a close friend, and you don’t want to hurt him.