I CAN’T REACH ORGASM WITH MY PARTNER

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my partner for about nine months now and every orgasm I’ve had through penetrative sex has been faked.

The sex feels good, but my boyfriend is my first partner and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m missing out on better sex, or if orgasms don’t really come naturally to me.

I would never leave him over something like this, but I just feel it’s got to the point where I’ve faked so much that I can’t really tell him how to improve our sex life, as he clearly thinks it’s going great!

Coleen says

Well, that’s the problem with faking it! From your letter, it sounds as if you can orgasm, but just not through penetrative sex, which is actually incredibly common.

A lot of women orgasm through foreplay only, so I don’t think you’re necessarily with the wrong person. Look, it’s never too late to tell someone what you want and what you like – whether you’ve been with them nine months or nine years.

I think because you were sexually inexperienced and it’s a new relationship, you’ve probably been trying too hard to please him, but it’s not something you can sustain – eventually you’ll think, “I can’t be bothered”.

The thought of talking about sex is worse than actually doing it. It’s a bit like dreading going to the doctor with an embarrassing ailment, only to find it’s a huge relief to get it out in the open.

If you’re worried about upsetting him, then don’t say you’ve been faking it, but explain that lately you’re finding it more difficult to orgasm. You could suggest changing things a bit and having some fun experimenting.