PARTNER CAN’T FORGET HIS EX

Dear Coleen

I think my partner is still in love with his ex who was also his first love. They split because of the long distance between them and my partner felt he was being pressured into marrying her, which he wasn’t ready to do at the time.

We got together two months after they split and have a daughter and a baby on the way but recently I’ve found messages between them on his phone, and he tried to hide them. They were talking throughout the first year of our relationship.

She is now married and is pregnant, but he keeps messaging her and it’s driving me crazy, enough for me to leave him as I feel I’ll always be second best.

Please help.

Coleen says

Feeling in relationship limbo and constantly trying to guess what your partner is thinking and doing is incredibly stressful.

I imagine you don’t want to confront him because you’re worried he’ll confirm your fears and tell you he’s still in love with his ex.

But, as upsetting as that thought is, you have to face it and have a frank conversation about your future and, whatever his answer is, at least you can make a plan and deal with it. Right now you’re torturing yourself and what you need are the facts.

He should realise how serious you are about leaving him and that he risks losing everything over this friendship with his ex.

And it’s a friendship that sounds pretty one-sided to me. She’s obviously moved on with a new partner, is expecting a baby and probably has no intention of running off with your partner.

The bottom line is, you need and deserve 100% commitment from him, which means no more messages to his ex, and he needs to be transparent with his phone and other devices.

If he’s not willing to do that, then I agree you’d be better off without him. Good luck.