My wife has U-turned on promise to stop working
Dear Coleen
When my wife got pregnant we decided she would go back to work soon after the birth, as she was earning a lot more money than me and she wanted to see a big project through till the end.
So I left my job to care for our son, but we agreed that once the project was done she would leave her job, take over the childcare and I would return to work.
Our son is now 18 months old, my wife’s project is finished, but now she’s saying she wants to stay at work and has been offered a promotion.
I feel very resentful as, although I’ve loved being a stay-at-home dad, I’m ready to get back to work, even if I don’t end up earning as much as my wife. She’s gone back on her promise, but is making me feel bad and telling me I’m stupid because she will be earning so much more.
We’ve always agreed we wouldn’t put our son into full-time childcare while he’s pre-school age because neither my wife or I had our parents around much when we were little, due to their work responsibilities.
We’re at deadlock.
Coleen says
Yes it’s annoying that she’s changed her mind when you’d agreed on a plan. The trouble is, life happens, circumstances change and people are allowed to change their minds.
Now I think the best way forward is to see if you can compromise so you each get what you want. That might mean looking at flexible working hours so you can both be around for your son part of the week. It might also mean reassessing whether to enrol your son in nursery, even part time.
In my experience, most children love nursery, especially if they’re an only child, because they get the opportunity to mix with other kids their own age and learn lots of new stuff.
It also helps prepare them for school, which can come as a huge shock if they’ve never been to nursery or playgroup. And the time you do spend with your son will be quality time that you’ll all appreciate more.
Sometimes you have to try things, so why not agree to give it a go and, if it doesn’t work out then you can reassess?
Expect the first few weeks to be up and down as you all get used to your new routines. But rather than fight each other, start behaving like a team and working together on a plan that can benefit you all.
I’m resentful, as I’m ready to get back to work