No ifs no butties

As if more proof were needed that our planet was lurching steadily towards oblivion, we may soon be waking up to a world without bacon butties or vanilla ice cream.

A global shortage of both pork and vanilla means that two of the greatest pleasures known to mankind may soon be gone for ever.

Why is it always fun things that get threatened with extinction? It’s never quinoa or moths, is it? And if we do have to lose bacon sandwiches, it’s especially cruel that it has to be now and not a couple of years ago.

Say a week or so before Ed Miliband made that ill-fated decision to eat one.

He’d have won the election.