Upset they won’t let me see my granddaughter
DEARCOLEEN Britain’s most straight-talking problem page
Dear Coleen
Three years ago, my son and his wife had a daughter. She is my first grandchild on our side of the family.
When they came out of hospital after having her, they told all the family to stay away as they wanted the first two weeks on their own to get to know her and bond, which I found hurtful but I accepted it.
Then they needed my help when my son went back to work, so I dropped everything and went round there.
This pattern continued for the next two years – when they needed a babysitter or to borrow money they would be in touch. But when they wanted to keep me away they would.
My daughter-in-law never returned my calls or texts and never let me push my granddaughter in her pram when she was around, although it was fine when they wanted to go out for the day and I was needed to look after her.
I got very cross about it all and told her how I felt. We had a row and she told me where to go. Later that day my son texted saying I had upset her and a series of horrible texts went back and forth between us.
This was a year ago and I’m no longer allowed to see my granddaughter. My son has only been to see me twice in the last year because he’s scared of what his wife would say otherwise. But the biggest hurt is not seeing my only grandchild.
Coleen says
This is such a common problem that I hear about often. If you want your granddaughter to be in your life, it comes down to this – you need to swallow your pride.
If your daughter-in-law and son won’t speak on the phone, then try writing them a letter or just meeting your son, as it sounds like you have more contact with him. Just say that you’re really sorry for everything that has happened, that you love and miss your granddaughter and that you’d love to be a part of her life again.
Say you appreciate they are her parents. This isn’t to say you’re in the wrong here or that the way they’ve treated you is OK. But I think if you want to see your granddaughter this is what you need to do.
Somebody has to be the bigger person here and as they have the trump card of their daughter, unfortunately that person has to be you. You may think that this means they’ve got one up on you, but you’re taking control and you’ll get to see your granddaughter.
However, if they don’t budge and still don’t let you see her then I’m not sure what to do. You could fight them in court, as grandparents have some legal rights now, but I’m sure this is expensive and fraught with even more problems.