I KEEP LOSING IT WITH MY KIDS

Dear Coleen

My husband works away a lot and we don’t live close to our family. I have two children, aged two and five, and I’m ashamed to say I keep losing my temper with them.

I never hit them but I do rant and rave far more than I should, but I’m so tired and I do everything on my own. When my husband is away I’m often stuck indoors for hours as I can’t drive.

How can I learn to control my temper? My own mum had a terrible temper and I don’t want to pass this on to my children.

But after a day of their squabbling and fighting, I just lose it and then feel really bad about myself. Please help.

Coleen says You are not alone. Parenting is a wonderful job, but it’s also the hardest, most relentless and thankless job there is.

Kids aren’t grateful when you spend all day cooking for them and caring for them and negotiating their arguments and tantrums. So it doesn’t make you a bad parent for losing it occasionally. And at least you’re trying to do something about it. Also, perhaps you can now understand a bit more about where your mum was coming from. Is there any way you can get some help? Do you have a trusted neighbour or a mum from school who could have one of your little ones from time to time and you could have their child in return for an hour or so?

Also, you must tell your husband, “hey, I need a bit of help here”. I think women are so worried about being seen not to cope they just plough on even when they’re struggling.

I know he works away a lot but he can still help you by speaking to your families to see if they can help you out from time to time, even if they are far away.

I think you need to get out of the house more, too. Could you learn to drive? Or go to a playgroup every day when your eldest is at school?

You’ll get to talk to other adults too and make friends.